Don't get any ideas.

I am in a mood because I miss my youth. I was just sitting here thinking about the boys or my friends that talk to me about their lives and then I look at mine and wonder why I grew up so fast.

I wonder if time will make my life happier and if things that happen now will stay in the here and now when I grow older.

I still hurt sometimes, really bad when I think of all that has went wrong and I wonder how I will ever get out.

I have no motivation to fight anymore and all I want to do when I get home from work is die on my bed.

Where is my home? and where is my heart?

I watched "Where the heart is". What a beautiful movie. It was about the girl that had her baby in the Wal Mart. She went through hell and then found everything that she needed, in good Karma.

Sometimes I just want to push this world away and hide but I know it will do me no good.

I have been behind this wall for so long.

I wonder why things happened and where I will go from here, but like in Evita, I can't ask where, I just have to push on.

I never will blame the higher powers, I will only pray to him.

I am in the center of the first day and the last.

Now I just have to wait for my miracle.